To all my friends who aren't in this community. You should join. All of these girls are amazing.

From my store, of course. Here is my current wish list.

( +++ )

here's one big whopping update on me. comment so i know people actually care. :)

the list:

( here it goes )

the only person who will know what i'm talking about is alison, and alison - i am so sorry to be going on and on about this. but, this whole party is making me really upset.

i'm kicking myself for changing the date of the party. 15 people would have showed, and it would have been awesome. but stupid me decided to change the date again because one person who i love couldn't come, and now only 7 people have said yes. 15 is a lot. i should have just accepted it. and now people aren't sure if they can come on the new date. i know it shouldn't matter, i should be happy with it and forget about it until it happens, but it's making me freak out. i think about it constantly. my heart is in pain from being nervous. part of me feels like all my friends hate me for re-scheduling so many times and for leaving like 50 gazillion updates in their e-mail box, and part of me feels like people aren't rsvp'ing because they're mad at me. so i don't know what to do.

i know it shouldn't matter. it's just a party. i keep telling myself that. but i'm REALLY embarrassed that i'm such a horrible hostess and changed the date three times and now no one is responding to the new date. i'm going to cry. i really am.

i'm house sitting for my parents. i just came home from ralphs and bought tons of junk food including lofthouse cookies, hersheys chocolate, and licorice. and a 24 oz of budweiser. and gingerale. it's gonna be a long night. i cried my eyes out last night and practically all day today because my period's right around the corner. (i think i might suffer from pmdd which is worse than pms because it involves mostly emotional pain rather than physical pain and that totally describes me. i'm a sobbing nightmare the first few days before IT comes). it'll be a nice quiet night with my lovely dogs and the television. saw denver briefly yesterday. he's staying at my place tonight. i feel comforted by that. it's so hot here i could die. i'm going to the american apparel outlet tomorrow to buy lots of cheap t-shirts, bras and possibly even this suspender bathing suit which really serves no purpose, because you can see yr boobs. but it turns denver on, and i would wear it with a shirt underneath, plus it comes in either gold or silver. i'm gonna look great. i'm watching the top 50 funniest women on WE. i know like 3 women who are on it (maria bamford, natasha leggero, and melinda hill all host a comedy show here that denver is going to be doing on monday/doug does the dj'ing for) so that was kinda cool to see them on tv.

i'm babbling. not sure what else to say, just wanted to update.

i'll most likely be updating again. shitty entry.

xo.

lana and i went to disneyland for the 2nd time in the span of a month.

( where dreams come true )

i thought i would be getting up at 10 to go walking, but now it's 11:17 and not only did i not go walking, i also don't feel like going to class. on mondays i have three classes but there was no first class today because my teacher is out of town, so i was just gonna go to my 2nd and 3rd class. but, i really don't want to go at all. so i've decided to skip the 2nd class and just go to school for the 3rd class. i feel bad but i don't really think that teacher cares as long as you show up sometimes and turn in the work at the end. i feel awful because he's so nice but i don't have the energy to even be there. i feel out of it. someone motivate me to do something!!

just an update, really.

i've taken up walking. well, i only walked once last week. but i'm going to walk again this morning, and tomorrow morning as well. it makes me feel good to know that i'm trying hard to stay healthy. even if walking is the only form of exercise, it's better than nothing, right? so this morning (in an hour) i'm going walking with my new headphones and my mini ipod, around the silver lake reservoir for an hour. then i'm coming home and getting ready to go to school, where i will be for 6 hours. then i will come home and most likely do nothing until the night's over.

denver and i have made plans to go to austin, texas in july. his friend is getting married and we're going to the wedding. his mom is calling my mom to figure out the airplane situation because she's buying his ticket and my mom is buying mine, but we want to sit together, etc. i'm so excited. i've never been to texas, except making stops at the ft worth airport, which is the most awful airport in the world, i believe. i'll get to meet all of his friends, maybe meet some of his family. this is a step, i think! a good step. i've never really traveled with a boyfriend before..

that's about all for now. i feel like getting back into bed before my walk. xo.

it's not like anybody reads this journal anymore, but, i feel like posting anyway.

for those who don't know, i got into FIDM yesterday! i went for my interview, and the lady (her name was Bunni, haha) absolutely ADORED me. i don't know what i did, but i guess i'm good at interviewing because i always seem to charm people. she was making it seem like FIDM is hard to get into these days, but after we talked about my interests, why i want to go to FIDM, past schooling experience, my essays, my entrance projects, etc., she was completely blown away by me and sort of told me i was a one of a kind genius. responsible. passionate. all kinds of things. so i got my little FIDM tote bag, signed some papers, mom paid the "down payment" and i'm in.

i start January 2008 which means i'll have another year (after i get my BA in December) without any financial responsibilites. and i'll have two degrees under my belt by the time i'm 23. i'm so excited.

i'm going out to celebrate with denver tonight. we're not sure where to go, but now that i'm not sick, i feel like getting really plastered. some good bar hopping is what i'm in need of. it also feels good to know that i actually AM creative and haven't lost it, like i thought i had. it's still there, and i'm actually going to make a career out of it. hooray. visual communications, here i come!

ps - now i'm on my way to christina's house. apparently, she entered in a contest at the mall, to win either money or a car. but i guess they give out other prizes, too. so, she won two tickets to disneyland and one night's stay at the hotel, and she wants me to go. and she's still in the drawing for the car or money. she's a little apprehensive about whether or not this is legit since we're having to drive to WESTLAKE fucking village to pick up the "tickets", so if i die today, you'll know why. sounds a little shady. but.. awesome, i get to go to disneyland twice in a month. actually, three times, cause when i went two weeks ago, i got a disney 2fer ticket that's good until the end of may. crazy.

xo